This morning I have been cast in the starring role in a new musical entitled “People (and things) out to ruin my life”. Written by a most precocious nearly-7-year-old, the musical recounts the trials and tribulations of an innocent maiden who finds the world is out to get her.
It is an intense piece – every interaction is the source of a remarkable level of dramatic tension. Her sneakers are conspiring against her with her mother, intent on, yes, ruining her life. Her socks are evil co-conspirators, and don’t get her started on her schoolbag.
The music is oddly dissonant, and though Acts 1 through to 3,456 are each fast paced, the piece as a whole tends to drag, leaving the observer drained. Interval feels like it may never come.
The peak of intensity comes as the wicked witch insists that the maiden must wear her jacket outside, where the temperature is 16 degrees. This is an act of treachery for which our heroine is entirely unprepared, despite the mounting evidence that deceit and evil surround her on every side. Her intensely emotional reaction is the highlight of the piece, and so spectacular that it is difficult for the audience to remain detached.
The mystery is that this display is carried out without a fireworks license. I can’t wait for the teenage years.