Feelings of Grief

Feelings of grief
Breaking over me
Wave after wave like the rolling sea
These feelings of grief

Grief is a strange beast. Stalking you during the day, it may pounce at night when the lights are out, or leap out from behind a photograph in the hot sunshine.

Time without end
I’m gonna miss you, my friend
How do you suppose this world will ever mend
Or this heart play again?

There are times when you just can’t wrap your head around how the sun can still shine, how people can still laugh, and how your heart can even keep beating.

I go about my day
There’s always somebody to pay
They just won’t go away
Nor will these feelings of grief

And yet there are times when you almost forget. When life goes on. When you work, and play, and even find a little joy, before the grief comes crashing back down like a tsunami of overwhelming heartbreak.

Feelings of grief
Blinding me with tears
Everything that’s dear, piece by piece disappears
And all that remains are these feelings of grief

Seeing a photo of my cousin today, taken only a few weeks before his death – so close and yet so achingly far – my 8 year old was struck afresh by the huge, monstrous incomprehensibility of it. How can someone be at dinner with us one moment, and then gone the next? It is something I have wrestled with for years, and it never gets easier to comprehend. Without religion, it is a struggle to find something to hold onto at moments like these.

Looking up at bright stars one night, while she grieved, I told her that some people believe that the dead are up there among the stars, looking down on us, caring for us and thinking about us. She found some comfort in that. She imagined the stars as holes in the sky that our loved ones can look through, to watch us and share in our lives. Grieving is both harder and easier now that I am trying to help my daughter through it as well. I find some comfort in comforting her, but ultimately we keep coming back to the same thought: death sucks. Big time.

All I have, feelings of grief

Feelings of Grief, by Paul Kelly

2 thoughts on “Feelings of Grief

  1. Joe

    One way or another… it’s unlikely that those normal decent folk who have died are, subsequently, particularly upset about it themselves.

    Like so many things in life, no doubt the fanciful anticipation of inexperience, the fear of the unknown, leaves the actual event a bit of an anticlimax.

    I have known people who have chosen to die with simple dignity rather than live in excessive… complexity. When facing “the inevitable” at close quarters, it seems most of us at last find a way to just shrug and say “ok, we’re done here”.

    Grieve for the living.

  2. Grief can be overwhelming. Especially when you are grieving over a loved one.

    You are right. Death sucks.

    We are taking fostering classes right now, and we have been studying the grieving process. How the children will be grieving for all that they have lost. We often think about grief when someone dies, but we diminish grief for other things. Grief needs to be acknowledged. I found it odd how many people in our class knew the stages of grief, but didn’t know that you don’t necessarily follow them in order, and you can go through them over and over. I kept thinking, have they never felt grief? Just because you get to acceptance, doesn’t mean you stay there.
    After my mother died, I remember thinking that grief comes like waves, sometimes they have an undertow you get caught in, sometimes they just lick at your feet…but they always seem to come back. Luckily, the tide does go out and the waves don’t always crash against you as hard as they do when you first have a loss.

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